I've always felt a little immature for my age, or perhaps a little behind. My mom made me repeat the first grade because I would cry for her when she dropped me off. I had huge separation anxiety from my Mom, maybe I still do. I can't stand to be away from her. It was apparent that I was not ready for the big timing second grade. So, I grew up being a little bit older then the rest of the kids in my grade, never really giving it much thought or care. I was always the oldest one out of my friends, which meant I experienced life's momentous changes a little earlier than they did. I was the first one to have my period and I was suuuuuch a tomboy, and totally embarrassed that I didn't tell anyone, not even my Mom. I think I went a year or two without telling a soul. When my friends started talking about mother nature welcoming them to womanhood I was finally relieved to share that I too had been visited. Those little bitches didn't believe me. I found myself persuading them that I have been having my period for a long time now, only to come off sounding like a little pretentious know it all about blood gushing out of my vagina.
I was the first to get my license. It was pretty sweet. I was more than happy to pile in a bunch of fifteen and fourteen year old (God that sounds so young) juveniles in my car and gallivant around town. I ditched school. Went out on late night rides rediscovering the town in which I grew up in. I earned this amazing sense of freedom, my first taste of adulthood.
I was the first to turn 21 and hit the bar scene. This was not sweet. All my friends were too young. On my 21st birthday we hung out at my house. I bought a bunch of booze for a lot of unappreciative assholes and spent the night catering to my then boyfriend. I didn't really enjoy the perks of being 21 until everyone else caught up.
Now here I am again, the first one about to experience a momentous life changing event. I can't help but feel a little lonely. I wish there was someone ahead of me, or some one right here with me. I'm going to be giving birth to my son and all these feelings and emotions and bodily changes are hard to deal with on your own. I really can't see anyone going down preggo road any time soon, but I'll be the number one to help guide and support. This has been a long, scary, exciting, amazing, nerve wrecking, beautiful jouney. Ten more weeks to go eeeeeeeeeee.
Shout out to Elise. Thanks for being such an amazing support system. I need you like a baby needs a breast. You're my breast. Love you :)