Kenneth and I are having a huge disagreement about diapers. Kenneth is very pro cloth diapers, and while I see his point on saving money and the environment, I can't help but feel a little weary. I do want to attempt using the cloth diapers, but I also feel it might be necessary to also have disposable on hand just in case. I added diapers on our registry and I don't know if I should take them off. If we don't end up using them, we can just take them back or donate them.

My mom was absolutely adorable as a kid. I'm working on converting slides into digital images and putting them together in a slide show for my Mom's side of the family. My grandparents had ten kids so there are probably over 100 slides and each one takes about 5 min to scan. It's a time consuming process. I'm hoping I can finish it up while I'm off of work with Emory.

I'm so happy working at my job. I hate rules and authority and schedules, so it's hard to find a job that suites me. I still have to adhere to a certain code of regulations but it's much more laid back then most places.Today my bosses wanted me on the panel to hire my new department boss. It feels pretty good to know that they respect my opinions enough to ask me what I think, even if it doesn't really matter. I ended up talking to them about my leave of abscence and they were completely supportive. It helps that I used to date the assistant store team leader, I know how to talk to him and joke with him with out getting all quite and lame. Turns out he's having a baby boy about a month before I'm due. We talk about baby stuff a lot, it's fun.

I've always felt a little immature for my age, or perhaps a little behind. My mom made me repeat the first grade because I would cry for her when she dropped me off. I had huge separation anxiety from my Mom, maybe I still do. I can't stand to be away from her. It was apparent that I was not ready for the big timing second grade. So, I grew up being a little bit older then the rest of the kids in my grade, never really giving it much thought or care. I was always the oldest one out of my friends, which meant I experienced life's momentous changes a little earlier than they did. I was the first one to have my period and I was suuuuuch a tomboy, and totally embarrassed that I didn't tell anyone, not even my Mom. I think I went a year or two without telling a soul. When my friends started talking about mother nature welcoming them to womanhood I was finally relieved to share that I too had been visited. Those little bitches didn't believe me. I found myself persuading them that I have been having my period for a long time now, only to come off sounding like a little pretentious know it all about blood gushing out of my vagina.
I was the first to get my license. It was pretty sweet. I was more than happy to pile in a bunch of fifteen and fourteen year old (God that sounds so young) juveniles in my car and gallivant around town. I ditched school. Went out on late night rides rediscovering the town in which I grew up in. I earned this amazing sense of freedom, my first taste of adulthood.
I was the first to turn 21 and hit the bar scene. This was not sweet. All my friends were too young. On my 21st birthday we hung out at my house. I bought a bunch of booze for a lot of unappreciative assholes and spent the night catering to my then boyfriend. I didn't really enjoy the perks of being 21 until everyone else caught up.
Now here I am again, the first one about to experience a momentous life changing event. I can't help but feel a little lonely. I wish there was someone ahead of me, or some one right here with me. I'm going to be giving birth to my son and all these feelings and emotions and bodily changes are hard to deal with on your own. I really can't see anyone going down preggo road any time soon, but I'll be the number one to help guide and support. This has been a long, scary, exciting, amazing, nerve wrecking, beautiful jouney. Ten more weeks to go eeeeeeeeeee.
Shout out to Elise. Thanks for being such an amazing support system. I need you like a baby needs a breast. You're my breast. Love you :)

I've been keeping journals for over 8 years and after I found out I was pregnant I haven't written in them once. You would think that the most momentous occasion in my life would bombard me with inspiration. I'm so saddened by my lack of documentation. I guess it's never too late to start. I've always needed my journal to break free, to really figure out who it is trapped in this body, and usually I would tend to write during my most depressed out breaks. Now I have never been happier in my entire life. Maybe it's my prego hormones, but I am absolutely in love with my life right now. The whole world could be crumbling down but as long as I have Kenneth and my little Bambino by my side I am spinning in a whirl wind of laughter and love. I made Kenneth tear up last night because we both talked about how lost we would be with out each other. It's true every day I fall more in love and realize how the universe has done some powerful colorful beautiful work in my life.