I used to pray every night as a child growing up. I remember having terrible nightmares that scared the living begeezes out of me, so I would pray. After muttering my selfless prayers quickly through my mind, like God bless Mom, God bless Dad, and my brother and sister and aunts and uncles and cousins; then I would say my egocentric prayers like, and please don't let me have a bad dream. It seemed like God was listening, it usually worked. I even typed up a favorite prayer of mine and rolled it up like scroll and hid it inside my stuffed animal bunny I slept with. My Mom instilled a great faith in God in me. I hope she knows that. I have wandered off the path of religion. Mostly because I've been too busy for God or ventured down a route that turned my conscience into mush. I have also been put off by religions messy politics and contradictory messages. I’m not one for structure, authority, or rules, so having faith in one true religion just doesn’t make any sense to me. I do feel this strong urge to renew my relationship with God. I think what I learned as a child was that there was unseen love and comfort that I could just feel. I didn’t even need words or thoughts; I just closed my eyes and listened. There’s this immense beauty you can miss out on without faith. It’s indescribable. I guess it’s kind of like that game you play where you learn to trust people. When you trust in life and in God you can learn to let go and let yourself fall back knowing God believes in your strength and love will always surround you, but if you are weary then you will remain tense, standing straight with nowhere to fall and nowhere to land. This world is such a blessing, the people we meet and the experiences we share should be celebrated. I want to find my way back to simplicity. I want to teach my son about faith, love, and compassion. I want to listen to the trees, smile when I say I believe, dance when I face my fears, and laugh when I shed some tears. I just want to feel and spread some good lovin.
