New Mother Thoughts

I'm feeling isolated from the outside world, okay, well not completely isolated, I keep up with the news and I know what's going on in the world, I just feel separate from it. Especially when it comes to my social life. I guess everyone is busy, school, work, I don't hear from friends as much. To be honest I think the surprise upon conceiving Emory caught me completely off guard and sometimes I still struggle with leaving behind a lifestyle where I was finally becoming a socialite. I was free no worries, no real responsibilities, and no obligations.

Although, I do find that lifestyle was a bit too toxic; I drank too much, smoked cigarettes, and spent money frivolously. In all honestly Emory is my little savior. I am the healthiest I have been in years. I guess I will always remember how easy it was to live in such a way but now I feel like I have something worth living for. I ADORE my son. I've been waking up with him every hour at night and nursing him while he suckles and waves his little hands in the air and restlessly wiggles his little fingers around my breast while he tries to fight off the sandman. I lay kisses on his little nose and he surrenders to the night and closes his eyes, slowly drifting to a sweet and soft slumber.

I am a total Mom. He's all I think about. I plan weekly meals and do weekly grocery shopping. I play raffi and sing nursery rhymes while I'm in the shower. We read Dr. Seuss and have tummy time. I bought Halloween decorations and plan on making every holiday as fun and special as possible.

Emz is asleep right now and just thinking about him I want to run in and kiss his wittle face and squeeeeeeze his chubbiness. But the view is about to be on and maybe I'll be able to catch a little bit of it before he wakes up.