Yesterday was a rough day. Started out nice, had some much with Elise, got a couple things I needed. But then Kenneth and I went to my 36 weeks appt. I was really hoping that I would be dialated. Maybe just one cm. I cried on the way in to target. Kenneth held me and reminded me that Emory needs this extra time and that I'm doing such a great job and his arrival will be here before I know it. I just feel so uncomfortable, tired, fucking HOT, and a little depressed. Life seems so black and white right now. Nothing intrests me. I just want my little baby. This waiting is killing me.

Waiting, waiting, waiting. I know I'm suppose to be relishing in these serene peaceful days. They will be the last days of my life with absolute freedom. If you told me a year ago that I would be having a baby I would have shit my pants. Now I just can't take the anticipation any more. Let's go Emory, let's go Emory. I'm scared it's going to huuuuuuuuuuurt, but I've been mentally preparing.

The baby shower was awesome! I really did well considering I'm the most socially awkward person ever! I have suuuuuuch amazing friends and family, and seriously the best Mom ever. I fucking love my mom so so much, I hope I can be as good as a mom as she is. My favorite gifts; Hand made diaper bag, it's so stylish and rad, bottle cleaner, so handy dandy, cloth diapers, and breast pump accessories.

Alright baby, Mommy just has to get her car cleaned and buy the car seat and we are ready for you. Daddy and Mommy are going to be crying tears of joy when you arrive we have so much love to give you. And there's lots of people who can't wait to see the cuteness you are about to radiate. Lovey love love you my little love bug!

June is our month. Every year we celebrate another year getting older and we take a photobooth picture. I haven't even talked to Michelle this month. I'm depressed. I heard through the grape vine she's coming to my baby shower but I haven't actually heard from her. What the hey!

After another sleepless night of tossing and turing, pacing around the house, trying to sleep in my recliner, I decided to look up why I was having such bad heart burn. The day before I was so afraid to eat I hardly ate anything at all. I guess my preggo hormones are relaxing my sphincter and allow all my digestive juices back up my esophagus. Also it could be that the uterus is pressing against my esophageal area. It's all super uncomfy/painful. I'm tired and I want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I did come across an interesting little article relating heart burn to newborn hair. John Hopkins did a study that showed 82 % of women polled who had moderate to severe heartburn gave birth to babies with extra-thick hair, and 83% of the women with no heart burn symptoms gave birth to babies with little or no hair at all. The same hormone that relaxes my sphincter also promotes hair growth. Emory might be coming out with a full head of hair!

Oh man oh man I miss my man. He only left at the crack of dawn this morning but I am truley longing for him. Even though he drives me absolutely nuts sometimes, I'm realizing that I love his pokes and bad jokes and too forward hands and his butt crack and devilish grin. He's my bestest friend and I'm lonely with out him.

I really feel the urge to be nesting, but the act of actually doing anything seems far too much for me to handle. I need something to get me off my fat preggo butt and start cleaning, too bad I can't drink coffee.

I had a dream about Emory last night, it was a bit horrifying and I'm not even sure I want to write the details because it disturbed me so much. Kenneth and I need to be working on our hypnobirthing more so I can ease some of my fears.

Baby shower is coming up in about two weeks, I'm so excited. Mostly to chow down on some awesome mexican food and visit was some good friends and family. Also, it will be my family's first chance to meet Kenneth.

I making buttons for my mom and kenneth's mom to be recognized as the grandmas. I think they might be a little over the top. Colors ususally protrude from my artwork like vomit. I just love colors so freaking much.